An older poem

I wrote the below poem sometime between Jackys first surgery June 11th and her major surgery July 31st. She was in agony as during her first surgery the Doctors in all of their doctor wisdom had resected or cut in half her tumour and the beast went wild inside of her. From 2 days post surgery Jackys world turned into one of pain management that would stay with her until she died. I was told by someone "you don't have to be tough all of the time you know". The below was my response to this statement. When I shared this poem with some close friends at the time one of my dearest said that they thought I had summed up Jacky perfectly! Ironic thing was I was attempting to sum up myself. Me and my wife were kindred souls though, it's true. And she was certainly, tough. In the most kind and gentle and passive ways.
Perhaps this will help someone who is finding them self in the damned situation of having to be "tough"?



Tough people lay awake in the middle of the night when dis ease has finally allowed the rest of the family to be asleep at the same time
Even the Dear one in most pain
Tough people know that you do not weep openly like a broken child when you are being strong for your family,
you do this when they cannot see or hear you -
for it is your grief and they do not need it added to their own
Tough people cry silently alone in their beds into their pillows so that no one wakes to hear them Tough people WANT to run screaming into the night and find somewhere to hide from this all until it becomes untrue
Tough people know that will never happen
Tough people want to bash their fists upon their chests and proclaim FURY to the Gods and Goddesses and yell:
HOW DARE YOU FUCKEN DO THIS TO ME – TO US!
HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY LOVED ONES SUFFER AND MY CHILDREN WATCH AND FEEL THIS!
HOW DARE YOU, HOW DARE YOU!
DAMN YOU AND DAMN YOU NOW!
Tough people don’t.
Tough people reassure their children every day that they need not worry
that worry is not their job that NO MATTER WHAT this Mama will look after them,
after their other, after EVERYTHING
Tough people know that this is their own job
Tough people try to find humour when they feel Truly deeply sorry for themselves
Tough people snap out of that pitiful state – they know it does not cure dis ease
Tough people anger at being told they live in resistance as though this is a bad thing
Tough people need to get their strength from somewhere else
Anywhere they can, actually
Tough people use the words “it will be ok” and “I’m good” often
Tough people do not know what you mean when you say “If there is anything I can do let me know?”
Tough people may not even know what they may need You to do,
as they are too busy with being tough and working on each day
Tough people want healing and miracles and health and laughter and JOY for their family
That’s all
Tough people Love, and are Thankful and are fearful and have GOOD friends
Tough people learn early on in life You do need to be tough – nearly all of the time, and
Tough people know
This too will pass.